Jimmy Corduroy Explains It All

Check out my awesomeness.
 
A bunch of days ago some douche-bags just like you asked me to grant their life-long wishes and answer their lame questions.
 
I normally don't do this kind of stuff seeing as I'm always busy with my job, taste testing martinis, working on my car, fending off the ladies and I've even started a small escort business. But since all of the questions were asked by the loveliest ladies of the internet, I feel obligated to enlighten.
 
Mayjah asks: "Do blondes really have more fun?"
There's evidences supporting both sides of this philosophical debate. Sure, blonds get sun-burned more often and have a higher rate of skin cancer but they also seem to get drunk faster and are often referred to as "the master race".
 
Pretty cool right?
 
I suppose you should specify if we're talking about all blonds or just the ones who's carpet matches the curtains.
 
For the final word on whether or not blonds have fun, let's ask the world's most famous blond girls for their outlook...
   
Kimba the White Lioness asks "Who the h-e-double toothpicks (spells 'hell' but I'm not swearing today) is Jimmy Corduroy?"
 
It's me. I'm the Jimmy Corduroy.
 
That question reminds me of the time I caught a leprechaun running around the trailer court and he promised to give me one wish. I drafted up the perfect wish for a huge armored fort with a fleet of AMC Hornets and hundreds of blond servants and I thought out loud "man, I wish my ex-wife could be here to see this and the little turd is like "Done!" and Loretta showed up.
 
I beat the crap out of that little fairy. The end.
 
Lusciousnis takes advantage of me and asks 2 questions, "What exactly am I allergic to?"
 
Housework and bras. Make like a restraining order and stay at least 50 feet away from both.
 
and "How do you get your hair so fluffy, shiny and sexy?"
 
That's an easy one. The word "get" never even comes into play. Here, let me explain with a picture from the old photo album...
and lastly...
 
Amelia round-house kicks the mic outta my hand and asks "1. Have you considered catwalk modeling? I'm sure you have great legs."
 
I stick to catalog and bedroom modeling. Catwalks are for pussies.
 
and "2. Pirates. Why?"
 
Because this is what all guys dream of...
 
 
and "When will Bean arrive (exact time and date required)."
 
Your baby will be a miracle and not actually be born until it reaches the age of 26. He/she will grow through tantrums, school, first girlfriends, drug experimentation ,college and their first job all in your belly. Expect some minor inconvenience and discomfort.
 
and finally "What is fun to do at 9 months pregnant?"
 
Answer - Jimmy Corduroy.
 
You can ask more questions below - I might answer when I'm not busy banging the Dallas Cowboy's cheerleaders.