Presidential Alternatives

It's all Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton blah blah blah. I need all of the information before I'm going to pledge my support to any candidate. Unlike France, the US does not give equal coverage to all candidates in the media. What if the best option for president can't even get a freakin' infomercial at 3am?
 
So as a public service, I give you a few of the more "colorful" candidates for '08

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Jack Grimes - United Fascist Party   This guy...is pretty awesome. Director, Jack Grimes has appeared on television and done hundreds of radio shows for the United Fascist Union and has ran as a Presidential Candidate in the 2000 and 2004 Presidential Elections and promotes the economic theories and political ideologies of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein.   Grimey seeks to abolish paper money and create a league of nine or ten nations that would form a Confederacy of States to create a global government.   Do I really even need to mention dude's headgear?

Gene Amondson - Prohibition Party   You know that a candidate who wants to abolish alcohol is going to be a jack-of-all-trades. Gene enjoys painting (oil and watercolor, bitch), wood carving, baking, impersonating Billy Sunday, writing children's stories, protesting liquor manufacturers dressed as the Grim Reaper, has a degree in Zoology, playing racquetball, taking singles cruises and looking for lovely ladies.   Gene's wife of 23 years left him because God told her too. Man, that sucks.   Gene would like to pay you for a hug.

John Taylor Bowles - National Socialist Party   Nazis are silly! Halt the Mexican invasion, sever ties with Israel, no abortions (except for mixed race or retarded babies), get rid of non-whites, No Jews, etc.   How precocious! Good luck with that!

Jeff "Petro" Petkevicius - Christian Conservative   Jeff and his hot saucy wife Caroline seem like pretty normal people until you check out some of their videos with titles like "People are not gay, the devil is a liar" "Jesus will set you free from homosexuality" (on the right).   Oh...ok. Well, what about the issues, Jeff? From the site - "Forget Carbon footprints, we need to focus on farts. It's passing gas that is melting the ice caps", "Get right with God." and "Get a concealed weapon permit and start packing heat. Self protection will be the only thing you can count on for yourself and your family."   Jeff, you scare me more than the Nazi. Can I get your wife's phone #?

Deshon Porter - Democrat (?)   I feel guilty making fun sometimes so I'll let Deshon speak for himself...   "I like to sing act podcasting radio I am college student my goal is to be eather president or in congress."   "in my first 100 days in office I want to send all troops back home and end this war. we did not belong in this war so I will order that all troops to retun back home. I want to see the homeless in homes it is very hard on the streets and in clod weather like this the streets is not a good place to be in. more jobs for everyone where is the job growth? employers are only employing who they want they are not doing ther job! therfore to combat the matter I will do a real servay to see who is employed and if not to help them with paid traning and or college and a part time job."