jules's blog

unrelated nonsense attack

T-Rex = Awesome.

Why? It can kick any animal’s ass, now and then. Hand to paw to fin to talon, if one was to come into contact with a Tyrannosaurus Rex, one is fucked. I was wrong when I was thinking tigers for population control. Make a few scary as hell dinosaurs, declare them ‘protected’, drop clusters in the national forests – wa la – boost to the economy as a new T-Rex Protection industry is created; additionally it shall thin out the overpopulated nation and eventually the world.
Growling. I wish that sharks could growl but maybe they are better suited to the shriek. Shrieking seems more like a shark sound. Ear piercing and high like a banshee.
There is a problem, of course, as there are no T-rex’s being kept in peoples apartments in New York City. We would need to finance some sort of very expensive research and development project, which could go on for years without real results or a clear endpoint. So it really is cost prohibitive.
Tigers are the only true solution but large toothed dinosaurs that could hunt you down are still fucking cool.
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Wal-Mart goes Green

For the last five years I have refused to shop at any Wal-Mart. OH and I could use the savings, trust me. But I hated them. The articles I read about the lousy way they treated employees to international trade and the world market reports. Wal-Mart made my blood boil. I developed hives at the mention of their name. Oh vile and evil corporate monster.
But all things shall end. My hatred and utter repulsion waved goodbye and I entered a Wal-Mart for the first time in half a decade, last week. Then today, my friend shows me this:
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Persian Princess seeks Homeless Crackhead for Friendship

Sans crack of course.
There are several crackheads/homeless people/crazies who hang out “near” my house. I am not sure exactly where they live, but I see them everyday. More often than my own parents in fact. This compels me somehow, to know them. To understand them. To seek out their stories. I find them all so fascinating but three of them really have caught my eye.
There is Papa Smurf, who is the daddy of the homeless group. He sports a white beard and generally looks as though he could be keeping everyone collected. I see him sitting under the highway underpass in the mornings, usually with a smile on his face. There is one girl and several guys who hang out with him, one who always wears a nice black smoking jacket. He would be dashing if it weren’t for the dust. Then there is Boy Toy. He doesn’t really hang out with the other group, but I see him walking near them a lot. He wears women’s clothes about 4 sizes too small. His best outfit so far was the tight-fitting, too short jeans, gut hanging out all over the place, hairy chest complementing the white bra, worn proudly with white high heels, obviously. Absent from the scene often, I imagine he wanders pretty far though I haven’t seen him in the surrounding areas ever. Maybe he already has a best friend to hang out with and doesn’t need my companionship.
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the lighter side of insanity

And you wonder WHY I am pro cigarettes.
Today, my friends, I have achieved something. What you ask? (I am also aware some are already shaking their heads, aware of the coming sentence being nothing but ridiculousness squared).
I finally made contact with my soon to be new best friend that resides in the office building opposite my office building, same floor, windows facing each other. It is only a matter of time before we string up the tin can phone. Told you I wasn’t kidding when I wished upon a star for that shit. This girls got GOALS.
Made contact this week. Twice. Today, I saw him, across the parking lot and he suggested we steal a picnic table. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.
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